Support when your friend is a Therapist

One of my bestest girl friends (let’s call her Betty) regularly asks me why we are friends.This comes from a variety of situations, the most recent being when I told her “I’m going to mark this day in my diary as a reminder to myself of the things I know, that you’re yet to discover.” To be fair, it was a very annoying thing to say. That is one of the beautiful things about a well grounded friendship where we both know we are coming from a place of unconditional love. 

It did seem to jar something open inside her. Earlier in that conversation she had been lamenting on feeling low key irritated without being able to pinpoint the source. Being outside of the situation, I had a few good ideas as to what the irritation might be stemming from. 

General feelings around change

I later got this meme:  

What happened? 

Betty sat down and did the thing she had been avoiding doing. The irritation was growing inside her as she was actively ignoring what she KNEW she wanted to do, yet consistently found reasons to avoid. From my frame of reference, I could see that as her inner Self was continuing to highlight her inner voice, her knowing and the work she wants to bring into the world. The irritation was becoming more loud internally the longer she ignored and avoided DOING THE DAMN THING! Betty started, found some momentum and then was irritated when she had to stop! Well, at least Betty had some immediate emotional contrast for future reference. 

In my own world, I have a similar story. I have been grappling with a left eye twitch that has become more and more pronounced with each passing day. I know what it’s related to, my body is reminding me that I need to make a major life change. I am in the process of making it, however it’s a slow burn. As today marked the start of Mercury Retrograde in Pisces, I took to my journal to explore some “Re:s” Review, Reflect, Release, Reorient (my version). I had a nagging (ie. twitching) feeling that I needed to understand this process a little deeper to get all the meat out of the last 12 months. Pisces has got us by the feels for the next month, I’m here to embrace it and release whatever I’m done with (including this left eye situation). 

The left side is the feminine, the eye is our ‘seeing”. With these two concepts in mind, I reviewed what I was not seeing or acknowledging in my situation. Where I landed was grace and gratitude. Though the lens of grace and gratitude, I can see all the treasures and treats this situation has brought me. It has provided me with purpose, drive, connection, a deeper understanding of my Self and my capacity. It has brought me to a new layer of trust in my marriage and closer with loved ones as I step fully into the light of who I am. 

Was this easy? No

Did I want it? Yes

Was I making it way more difficult than I needed to? Absolutely

Is it scary? 100% 

Is it worth it? I know in my bones this is exactly what is required of me for the next phase of my life. 

In short, this process has forged me into the next iteration of mySelf. 

I am grateful for the loss, the broken capillaries, the weeks of undefined tears, the welling up of grief, the feeling of trying to fix something before I really understood the break. 

I am grateful for the newfound strength, the connections, the support and love, the playfulness in understanding, the time that was provided to slow down and SEE. 

The physical magic is that I my left eye was so constant this morning. Like hiccups you can’t shift, but for my eyelid. I sat, I wrote, I acknowledged and offered grace to my former self and gratitude to the situation and I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE TWITCH SINCE! 

Honestly, you can’t make this up. 

Back to Betty for a moment. You may ask why I didn’t just tell her what I saw? Why did I have to be so annoying and coy when my friend was struggling? My answer is this: Betty had to get there herself. This was a situation where HER inner voice was speaking to HER directly. I was not invited into the conversation, even though I could see what was happening from the outside. To support my friend, I could offer some space in our conversation to explore what it MIGHT be that was underlying this irritation, and also be just annoying enough to potentially prod her into action (if she wanted to). Betty got to make all the discoveries, take all the responsibility for action or inaction, create her own momentum. If it was handed over from someone else, the magic of self realization is thwarted. 

Now, I love being right. I love watching other people paddle their own canoe of small wins more. 

That’s what makes me a great Psychodynamic Therapist. I love, love, love holding space for people to find their own way. I will offer support and reflections and curiosities as you move through the muck and mire and celebrate when you get into clear water to navigate onwards to your highest calling. 

If this post stirred something in you, I’d love to hold space for you.

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Yours in the Echos, 

Hayley